Two ants bit me both at once.
I was attending a peace circle gathering to celebrate the summer solstice. About twelve of us were sitting outside under a big maple tree. In the center were various meaningful objects holding the context for our meeting. The exercise was to find a place to commune with nature for 10 minutes or so and then come back and share.
I knew exactly where I was going when Shirley introduced the exercise. I laid on the grass under the warm sun right beside the garden. The cut grass tickled my skin. Ants crawled over my arms and legs but they were gentle—all in perfect harmony. I was blissed out.
Then I heard the bell. They will ring it again. I didn’t move. The sun. The warmth. The bliss. I wanted more.
Then two ants bit me both at once and I jumped. Okay. Okay I’m moving! I headed back to the circle as I reflected on their communication.
Sometimes I didn’t listen to the gentle nudges to move or to make a change, partly because I was very comfortable where I was. It is very powerful to slow down and take time for oneself but I also needed to listen to the niggle letting me know it was time to flow into a different moment.
Like when I finally bought my truck and camper and was waiting for the truck to be safetied and certified, then I would be ready to go. But would I really be ready to go? I had been in Kitchener for 7 weeks. I had made some really good friends. I was already attending regular meetings and circles. I was part of the network there. I had my yoga studio, my women’s circle, my friends, people I could talk deep spiritual stuff with. It was really comfortable.
But the ants told me it was time to go.
And so the travels in my truck camper began.
Walking towards the truck, Which side is the driver’s side? My eyes darted back and forth looking for the steering wheel. Aah.
My left hand reached for the hand grip, my left foot stepped up onto the foot well as I pulled myself up and into the three quarter ton truck. I felt like a small child who had put on her mother’s shoes just for fun, but this wasn’t for fun, and I didn’t want to feel little driving this.
I breathed into the centre of my chest and relaxed.
“Okay, Athena. Let’s go.” I named her.
My fingers gripped the end of the hose as hard as I could and turned. But it wasn’t moving. It was time to move to the next campsite and I had to undo the hose which was attached to my water tank connection. I’m going to have to twist the whole hose rather than the hose connection. The hose connection was there to make it easy so the hose didn’t have to be twisted.
I never liked physical labour or getting my hands dirty. But just because I didn’t like it didn’t mean I wouldn’t do it.
My bike felt heavy as I slowly, strategically carried it out of the camper. I had decided not to get a bike rack, no place for it really, and so I put the bike into the camper every time I moved and brought it out each time I settled somewhere.
Holding the bike in the air, I looked down at the small narrow steps of the camper making sure my footing was secured on the next step as I walked backwards down the stairs of the camper – not the most elegant of maneuvers.
The backs of my lower calves were bruised from coming down the camper steps. My arms and thighs were bruised and scratched from what, I didn’t know. My next 12 months were going to be like this, with lots of physical labour. And I’m going to just deal with it, besides I’ll build some good muscles!
I coughed as I lay on the healing table. Maya had offered me a reiki session and I gave her one of my books – a good exchange we both agreed. “There is a lot of grief here,” she said moving her hand around above my upper chest. I nodded and reflected on this cough that had lingered from the dreadful flu I had a few weeks earlier. The body knows.
She did more healing on me and I began to cry. I shared with her what I had been holding back and cried even harder. I missed New Zealand. I missed the beauty of its land and the love of its people.
I had been telling myself that I needed to move on but I really just wanted to let myself grieve.
I miss New Zealand! I miss New Zealand! I miss New Zealand!
Now even just having written that felt better, almost like I didn’t have to miss it anymore because I had already done that. I could feel my breath come slower, more calmly and that dark cloud of grief lifted a bit. Funny how when we allow the feelings to flow they move on, but not before they are felt.
This first part of my travels has mostly been visiting friends and family in Ontario, and there is still more to do. I have been posting a lot on facebook so if we are not connected yet, please friend me. Search under: Leanne Babcock.
I will make my way to Quebec around the 14th August (my birthday) and stay there for 2 weeks. Well that’s the plan anyway, and we know how plans go, don’t we?
I remember some wise words from a very wise bird I once spoke with:
“Hold the vision. Let go of the plan.”
If you haven’t read my book yet, this is a quote from my book. You will love some of the other quotes from the book on the book’s facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/openmebook/
I will have a lot more to share with you about my international book launch and I hope you can participate in some of the action with me.
Love you always,