Keeping My Hand Down

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Categories: Confidence, flow of spirit, intuition, public speaking, self doubt, speaking out, Test Category

It was question time. The speaker had been inspiring. I was wondering how this might impact on a situation I was dealing with. The man holding the microphone, for people with questions, was standing right beside me. I paused to think. How should I word my question? I wanted my question to be just right.

Someone on the other side of the room raised their hand. The microphone was passed miles away from me. Ah missed it. The question asked was a good one. Mine isn’t that great, really. I mean sure it’s my question, but it’s not really that important.

“Another question?” the speaker asked. I kept my hand down.

The next question was a more personal question like mine. I should ask my question. It would add to this conversation. The next moment my hand went high along with five other hands. The microphone went to one of the five. I sat back somewhat resigned. It doesn’t really matter. Besides, someone will probably ask a question similar and that will cover off mine.

Another opportunity went by. My hand stayed down.

Then I saw something. I realised what I was doing was a violent act. I knew what it felt like when the flow of spirit moved me to say something or to do something. Stopping that flow was just like blocking up the flow of a river, or squeezing the stem of a plant stopping the life force flowing through it. That was violence.

All of my doubting myself, minimising my contribution and holding it back were all violent acts against the flow of life force and love that was wanting to flow through me.

Who was I to question this and hold it back?

This time I had something to say and my hand went straight up and I stood up. I was going to speak next. With the microphone in my hand I shared my insight. It was a powerful moment. I sat down full of life force. I felt alive and engaged in the conversation rather than passively listening and sitting in my chair.

Later that day, several people came up to me thanking me for what I had shared. They said I had also spoken for them and were now seeing things in a new light.

This opened up another insight for me.

When I feel the flow to speak or take action, although I might think it’s addressing something only in my own life, it never is just for me. When I allow the flow of spirit, the life force of the universe to flow through me, it’s for us all. Everyone benefits.

What a gift to bring to the world. As I address my own concerns, my own pains, the flow of divine life force heals us all.

No more violence from this moment on. I had just drawn a line in the sand that said so.

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